The “Consentivus” Can (Signed Artist Proof)
$99
Empty of beer. Full of First Amendment rage.
This is the exact unit used to build the Festivus Poles that troll State Capitols across America. It’s an aluminum middle finger to theocrats, book banners, and hypocrites. Signed by Chaz Stevens.
Description
The Official Drink of “Felonious Life Choices™”
$59 | Limited Edition | Signed | Ships Free
This isn’t a beverage. It’s a weapon of mass distraction.
Designed by First Amendment provocateur Chaz Stevens, this can is the core component of Festivus 2025: The Consentivus Edition. It’s the artifact we use to stress-test the Constitution in rotundas across the country (Ohio, Georgia, Washington, and Florida).
Wars Aren’t Cheap, and Neither is My Art.
I’m not on Zazzle selling homemade stickers. I am the tip of the spear fighting the war you want fought.
This price funds the frontline battles—the lawsuits, the FOIA requests, and the relentless chaos—that actually break the system. You aren’t buying a decoration; you are arming the resistance.
It’s not just a can … it’s your receipt.
Stressing the Constitution.
When governments allow Nativity scenes, they must allow this. The can is the question; the pole is the evidence.
The “Ingredients” (Read the Fine Print)
Hidden on the label are the real ingredients of modern political chaos:
- Tiny Hands Vodka: Distilled from pure ego.
- Uncut Russian Uric Acid: (Don’t ask).
- 14% Pure Ecstasy Disco Biscuits: For the raving lunatic in all of us.
- Neck Gina: Side effects may vary.
How to deploy this can
- The Desk Flex: Put it next to your family photos. Wait for HR to ask about it.
- The Mini-Pole: Stack three of them to make your own compliant Festivus display.
- The Gift: Perfect for the “Law and Order” relative who needs a lesson in free speech.
The Mission
Proceeds benefit Women In Distress. This isn’t just a joke. It’s a fundraiser. We use satire to support survivors because consent—like free speech—is non-negotiable.
As seen on CNN, NPR, MSNBC, and in the angry tweets of elected officials everywhere.
Note: The can is empty and sealed. Do not attempt to drink the satire.
About Chaz Stevens
Chaz Stevens is a nationally recognized political artist and First Amendment insurgent. From beer-can Festivus poles to “Satan or Silence” campaigns, he uses art and bureaucracy as blunt instruments for exposing hypocrisy.
“I’m not here to raise awareness. I’m here to make the system flinch.” – Chaz
